Makin' my way downtown
by Hazaazel
Summary: It's really not how Tooru wanted his date to go. Or, how to ruin a double date in one lesson, by Kenma and Kyoutani (because seeing Oikawa lose his shit is way too funny and he probably deserves this for being an obnoxious captain with too much drama in so small a body)
When I see people on Tumblr shipping rare pairs, I usually send them enthusiastic asks and they answer enthusiastically that they do too and. Sometimes headcanons happen. Rui6666 sent me a nice hc and now you have a fanfiction about it (make oikawa suffer 2k16) (the title has nothing to do with the song by the way)

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It's really not how Tooru wanted his date to go. Taking the train to Tokyo is enough of a bother – he _hates_ the train, it's too crowded and too slow. But mostly too crowded. When you're standing right next to an obnoxious old lady whose bag is stabbing you through the ribs, you can just tell her, though, and maybe she'll be nice and tuck it under her arm, maybe she'll complain but also tuck it under her arm. Either way, there is a definite, clear solution to the problem.

"Why are you here too ?"

It's more of a bark than a simple question should be, that Tooru doesn't answer just to spite him. But he can't ask of Kyoutani to nicely tuck it under his arm and stop bothering him for the rest of the ride. So he has to wait, and feel Kyoutani literally _vibrate_ with poorly concealed anger for at least ten minutes, before he bursts out again.

"Change wagons. Take another train. I was here first."

Kyoutani didn't say "this is my territory", but he might as well have. "I peed here first" sounds kind of childish, too. And disgusting.

"Mad dog-chan, I'm really sorry, but we actually need to be at the same place, at the same time, and I'm not missing the rendezvous just because you're too upset to ride a train with me."

It's mature enough of an answer. Iwaizumi can be proud of him. Kyoutani growls again – _growls_. On a train. In public. It's a wonder no one pointed out there is a very obvious "No pets allowed" sign right next to the door and ushered Kyoutani out at the first occasion. It would serve him right. Make the ride less awkward. Save Tooru's sanity. Koutani isn't an actual dog, unfortunately.

Ten minutes until the next station. Kyoutani manages to get his leg caught under some little girl, barks at her, makes her cry, and her mother complains to Tooru like _he_ is the one in charge. Why did he ever agree to this. Kyoutani ends up barking at him too, because that was none of his business. Tooru tries to distract himself with phone games.

Three more stations to go. Tooru texts Kuroo, because he needs to do something to distract himself from the wild animal standing right next to him, but when his " _Bored on the train._ _Entertain_ _me._ " is only answered with " _Can't, Kenma_ _'s here_ _. Don't worry, we'll see each other soon :3_ ", he gives up. His battery is running low anyway.

Two stations. A lot of people decide that this is not the right train after all, dealing with Kyoutani is probably not worth being on time, and there is a free seat at last. They run to catch it. Tooru wins. Tooru immediately regrets when he realises it gives Kyoutani the possibility to look down on him in a literal way. While he can't move. There are no grandmas Tooru could give his seat to. Damn. He needs to remember this isn't a fight for dominance and sitting down isn't making less of the alpha of the team. Captain. Whatever.

One more station, the torture is almost over, _almost_ – Kyoutani barks a laugh when the train stops so abruptly Tooru's head bangs on a pole. He can't decide what hurts more, his head or his wounded pride.

"Just _exit the damn train_ , Mad dog-chan."

He growls again. Oh god. Do they really have to exit the station together and _spend the rest of the afternoon together_. Thankfully, Kuroo is already here waiting for him, with someone playing on a 3DS, who only raises their head when Kyoutani softly woofs their name.

"Kyoutani."

It's a small person, with strange pudding hair, that Tooru recognises from the hundreds of pictures Kuroo has sent him, but. It makes no sense. Kenma is calm and collected, mostly quiet, and a bit snarky, if what Tooru gathered is true. Kyoutani _is n_ _o_ _t_ completely ignoring him, walking past Kuroo with a grunt, and he _is n_ _o_ _t_ hugging Kenma like they are a fragile porcelain figure. While Kuroo leans in to kiss his cheek like _nothing's wrong_.

"Hi Tooru ! It's so good to see you !"

It's great to see him too. Maybe Kuroo will change his mind and they'll go to his place to watch movies and make out, _alone_ , or anything actually, anything will do while they leave Kenma and Kyoutani to their own devices.

"I'm so glad you agreed to this double date ! I'm sure it'll go well. Kenma was excited !"

It doesn't look like it, but making a sleepy contented face is perhaps Kenma's version of a cheerful face. Kyoutani is eyeing suspiciously the hand Kuroo sneaked around his waist and is still holding on to Kenma. Who might look a tiny bit less bored than on the snaps of him Tooru has seen so far, not that he thinks about it. What the hell.

"Just fuck me up, Tetsurou."

"Not in front of the children !"

Walking down the street is an adventure. A bad one, without any reward at the end, and stupid awful things happening all along. Tooru would like to just grab Kuroo, jog down the street, turn left, and arrive at the blessed place that is the café, but _no_. With Kyoutani, it's apparently too much to ask.

"Oh my god. Stop growling all the time, Mad dog-chan. Normal people _don't do that_."

It means, however, that Kuroo is running a soothing hand up and down his back to keep him from completely losing his shit and jump serving Kyoutani's head into the pavement, and yeah, it's nice, he missed the casual touches. Tooru is still seconds short from yanking Kyoutani back by his collar and dragging him to his seat. Or gluing him to Kenma, who seems to have some strange calming effect on him that may be linked to the way he strokes his hair.

At least, Kenma is not threatening. They're just walking in silence. While still playing their game. Which forces Kuroo to steer them away from walls and people and all kinds of obstacles. Kenma sometimes meows in protest. Nevermind his first comment. How has he thought Kenma was manageable before. Why did he agree to this. Tooru has never regretted anything more in his own life.

"You know, I have the weird feeling that we're walking a dog."

If eyes could kill, Kuroo would have dropped dead just for that sentence. Tooru is so deadpan he will probably phase out of this plane of existence. Kuroo would have to deal with Kenma and Kyoutani all by himself. It would serve him right.

"Why could you possibly say that, Tetsu-chan. Is it because Kyoutani has petted three dogs in three minutes or because he glared _very loudly_ at the postman ? And jogged back when you shouted his name ?"

"I think he barked at a pigeon."

"I'm going to kill him."

Kyoutani is not a _complete_ idiot. More like an overly energetic, very angry puppy. He stopped at the red lights, his frown so deep it looks painted on, his knee jerking while they wait for it to turn green. He's turning back frequently to shoot glares around and Tooru _can and will_ snap at him if he has to. They're just about to cross the road when Kuroo yelps.

"We forgot Kenma !"

Yes, they did, when they chased after Kyoutani to stop him from petting _yet_ another dog. But the street isn't making any sharp turns, it's simply continuing forward until the crossroad. Kenma should have stopped right next to Kyoutani, if they had he kept on walking.

 _If_ they had he kept on walking.

 _But of course they didn't._

Tooru is going to kill Kyoutani, throw Kenma's 3DS under a car and beg the sky for an alien abduction. Kenma is _ten_ _meters away_. Still playing his damn game. Not moving further _because of a tiny puddle of water on the ground_.

"Hum, Kenma ? Can you please walk faster ?"

Kuroo is far too gentle. Kenma doesn't even raise his head before answering.

"I can't. There's water."

 _This is not happening._ Tooru is hallucinating – has been since he entered the train – this is the only explanation. Thankfully, Kyoutani decides to do something logical for once and goes to take Kenma's hand to lead him around the puddle, and then keeps holding it as they near the café. It's almost sweet. Maybe Tooru will reconsider his assassination plans. Too bad for the alien abduction.

This is supposed to be a date, Tooru tells himself. A date. As in time spent with your significant other. Or others – it's not like they never made four-people date with Iwaizumi, Makki and Mattsun. And there are _specific ways_ to spend this time. Talking. Watching a movie. Making out. Doing nothing next to each other. Going out for ice cream, never getting any, but coming back with several cat plushes because Kuroo saw them in a store and couldn't resist – and Tooru couldn't resist his dorky smile when he picked one plush for each member of his team, plus a leaf one for Tooru, because "It matches your hair, you see !".

At least they're in a good place. The café is cosy, Kuroo took him there before, and Tooru had enjoyed the booth and their nice cushions. And the milkbread is good, and it's secure enough that they can hold hands, and Tooru had daydreamed about coming back and _maybe_ snogging a bit this time. _Date stuff._

The booth is large enough to fit the four of them, which is nice, but also less nice because it means they don't split up and Kyoutani is still here – seated, _at long last_. He still made sure Kenma entered first and Tooru may or may not have seen him sniff their hair. And chosen to ignore this.

"I think they have apple pie," Kyoutani tells Kenma, and Kuroo looks at him like he made a ground-breaking comment. And hums happily like it was the perfect thing to say.

Kenma smiles a little as he nods and ok, _maybe they are cute_ , and Tooru is jealous, if Kyoutani wasn't here he'd be very sweet as well, thank you very much. The waitress arrives and saves everyone from his bitter comment on wildlife documentaries.

The double date seems to be going surprisingly well. Tooru complains loudly about his week, making dramatic gestures, and hear about all the stupid stuff the Nekoma team was up to. It's easy to forget they're not alone, since the other side of the table isn't making much small talk, and it's better this way – all right, Kyoutani is probably listening closely, but who will believe him if he tells the team Takeru took a picture of him right after a bird decided he was the perfect place to dump a shit on.

Mattsun will – and say "animals never lie" or something equally annoying. And make Makki steal his phone to get the picture. And make posters. Iwaizumi knows, since Tooru couldn't help but complain about his favourite shirt being ruined, and it's a miracle he hasn't told anyone already. Yahaba would taunt him for _days_. Maybe Tooru needs to watch his mouth a bit more.

It's quiet, on the other side of the table, _really_ quiet. Kenma eating in silence wouldn't be that surprising to Tooru, but Kyoutani has been sitting exceptionally still. The only noise coming from him is the slurp of his milkshake. There's a soft whirring noise, though, like a well-running engine, and Tooru can't find where it comes from. Kuroo is telling him how Lev managed to fall from a chair without even moving and it reminds him of Kindaichi and his growth spurt, but he can't fully concentrate – there's the _noise_. Lev managed to attract five cats in a day – _cats_ – it's a _purr_. Something is _purring_.

Not something. Kyoutani, from time to time, is running his hands through Kenma's hair. Slow, soothing, he even gives special attention to the place behind the ears. _Kenma_ is purring. Like a cat. _This is insane_ , Tooru thinks. There is no way he acknowledges _anything_ that happens on the other side of the table anymore – Kenma is curling their head towards the petting and letting out a happy sigh. Oh my god. Let him live. Kuroo kissing his cheek is a good distraction.

"I think Kentarou and I will go back to the train station, he needs to be home early."

"All right, Kitty, text me when you're back. Tooru, do you want to stay some more ?"

Of course he does. More date time – or, rather, _finally_ some date time – he's not going to say no to this. Even Kyoutani barking at him and Kenma cocking their head like a cat can't get his spirits down.

[ **From:** _ **Kentarou :3**_ ]

do you think he noticed

[ **From:** _ **Kenma!**_ ]

Kuroo did. Oikawa didn't, I think.

[ **From:** _ **Kentarou :3**_ ]

we were kinda obvious though

[ **From:** _ **Kentarou :3**_ ]

i don't bark at birds for fuck's sake ⋋_⋌

[ **From:** _ **Kenma!**_ ]

Kuroo only got a clue when you started petting me. I think it was a bit too much.

[ **From:** _ **Kentarou :3**_ ]

but you have nice hair, and it was fun !

[ **From:** _ **Kenma!**_ ]

It was. ＾ω＾

[ **From:** _ **Kentarou :3**_ ]

i still can't believe oikawa knows your friend

[ **From:** _ **Kentarou :3**_ ]

they never played against each other, did they?

[ **From:** _ **Kenma!**_ ]

Kuroo asked Karasuno's captain for his number so many times he ended up giving one.

[ **From:** _ **Kentarou :3**_ ]

and he gave oikawa's omg (ʘᗩʘ')

[ **From:** _ **Kenma!**_ ]

He shouldn't have. I think it backfired a bit.

[ **From:** _ **Kentarou :3**_ ]

a WHOLE LOT you mean

[ **From:** _ **Kenma!**_ ]

Yes.

[ **From:** _ **Kentarou :3**_ ]

well at least we had a great afternoon

[ **From:** _ **Kentarou :3**_ ]

i mean, i had a good time

[ **From:** _ **Kenma!**_ ]

Yeah, me too.

[ **From:** _ **Kenma!**_ ]

We should do it again. (*´∀`*)

[ **From:** _ **Kentarou :3**_ ]

without oikawa this time i don't think i can survive another train ride like this

[ **From:** _ **Kenma!**_ ]

I almost laughed when you petted the third dog. How do you attract so many ?

[ **From:** _ **Kentarou :3**_ ]

i'll show you next time

[ **From:** _ **Kentarou :3**_ ]

oh, train arrived, see you later kenma

[ **From:** _ **Kenma!**_ ]

Text me when you're back home.

[ **From:** _ **Kentarou :3**_ ]

3 \\(°v°)\

[ **From:** _ **Kenma!**_ ]

( ˘ ³˘)

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Save us from the emojis

I hope you liked it !


End file.
